I <3 pain

I can barely type right now because pretty much every part of my body is shaking. After getting two very brief hours of sleep last night, I rolled out of bed at the unholy hour of 7:15 and started pulling on my skating dress - which was weird in and of itself because I'm not used to the two pairs of tights and mini-skirt first thing in the morning. Then I bundled up, slung my bag over my shoulder and headed out into the brisk early morning. I met my friend Angela on Memorial Drive and we walked over to the rink together. The ice was E - M - P - T - Y. It was unbelievable. I called my mom to tell her where I was and she panicked because I never call at 8 in the morning. I was just so excited I had to call someone, and I knew my mom always wanted to see me skate on the Harvard rink, and she was the one who always took me back and forth to practice. After talking to her for a few minutes I went back to my laps. My legs are nothing compared to what they once were. I remember the motions of everything but my muscles don't want to obey as readily as they used to. After a while I started to get the hang of things again, but I couldn't really practice my spins. I was really ridiculously dizzy last night, plus I barely slept, so spinning just made me out-of-control lightheaded and dizzy. But that's ok. I did single jumps and spread-eagles...and then I decided to try a double loop. I mean, what did I have to lose? I swear, I really must be the kinkiest person ever. I'm just such a masochist. I don't know how many times I fell but it just made me happy! I'd pick myself up, brush off the ice, smile, and try it again. And even though it's been two and a half years since the last time I figure skated, I landed my double fucking loop. FUCKING A! I wanted to cry. I'm so absurdly happy and proud of myself. And I remembered, during the interminable falling, what a huge part of my life figure skating used to be and how it molded so many of my other attitudes (insert cheesy things like: you can't ever give up, good things come to those who wait, etc.) And I remembered that I'm not the lazy fuck-up quitter/slacker I've been acting like. AND I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY I LANDED MY DOUBLE LOOP! IT'S UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. Two and a half years without a single lesson, or even setting foot on the ice, and I landed a double jump. Yes, a triple would have been more impressive. But whatev! I'm sitting around still wearing my little skating dress, listening to "Hearts on Fire" from the Rocky soundtrack and I'm exhausted and happy and sore and dizzy and burnin' with determination to even up the score.

Yikes bikes!