I hate/miss the Crimson. I hiss? I mate?

TURNING MY CHAIR SO PEOPLE CAN'T SEE I'M BLOGGING, New York (AP) - A recently released report by hard-nosed (another report to be released about where that idiom came from) watchdog citizen, Carbs, found that ex-blog personality Nougat has not contributed to Raccoon Noises since July 15.

This finding comes after Nougat's July 26 plea for forgiveness for dereliction of duty (editor's note: hehe, duty). While the plea was approved, her continued absence has raised speculation about her whereabouts.

"Get the %$&! away from me!" said the man on the street, when reached for comment.

Rumors (in addition to expletives) have also surfaced on the internet that Nougat has met a sticky end. "White nougat is made with beaten egg white and is soft," according to an unidentified source who asked to be referred to only as Google McGoogles.

Others have speculated that Nougat was crushed by Peanut's unusually large finger (seriously CJ, what's the deal with those puppies?) during her wag.

attempts to reach Peanut for comment dead-ended when she cryptically stated her status as "Away."